Thank you, Jesse. Your posts are always from your heart. And thank you for posting your mother’s most beautiful and perfect song to accompany your words. I’m grateful to you both.
How beautifully you write about love and grief. My eldest sister was killed by a drunk driver when she was 32 and I was 26. I have felt her with me consistently as I got sober, had a child and a life. It’s still hard but as you so perfectly expressed it, she existed and I am who I am because of her. Thank you.
My parents have been married for 63 years. My father is 90 my mother is 86. For the past 7 years my mother has been in assisted living because she has dementia. My father tells me having his wife and my mother have Dementia is worse than death. For me, I mourn not being able to ask my mother questions that can never be answered that I want to know. Or not being able to sit with her over a pot of hot tea and talk like we used to do. So, although my mother is not dead my father's dreams of having his wife laugh with him once more and me having a pot of tea and chatting are gone forever. Our society in America does not in any way prepare any one for death. We no longer have the cultural traditions that helped with death and grief like black arm bands, wearing black or hair jewelry honoring our loved ones. We are left bereft to mourn alone. I actually hate when people ask me how my mother is doing because Dementia is a terminal disease, it's cruel and as it progresses it is simply awful. And yet, the thought of not being able to touch my mother again like I do is wrenching. So, it is complicated grief. Having a Wedding Anniversary when your loved one is not physically here....whew.......my greatest empathy goes out to your mom and you and your brother. I know you all would prefer to be sharing a piece of anniversary cake and coffee together. Perhaps if you would like to you could share the good memories about your dad on Substack. But then again, your memories may be too sacred to share.💫💛
Jesse, Your post really resonates with my grief, thank you for sharing. I too have had tragic losses, my husband and love of my life passed 20 years ago suddenly, he was only 43, young still as your father. We married in 1984 March 1st. And although I’ve carried on ,I think of him every day. Beautiful man inside and out. We both were huge fans of your parents, we created a family as your Mom and Dad did, as many have and this particular post of yours has stirred up a lot of memories, emotions, and a love that lies within a cupboard deep in my heart. There would not be grief if there was not a bounty of love. Once again thank you for sharing this deeply heartfelt post, your Mom and Dad have always been a huge inspiration and part of my life, you are your Mother’s daughter, your Father’s daughter, a genuine beautiful soul.❤️
This song was, at my insistence, my wedding song. It was the only song about marriage that I could ever stomach, and Patti’s transmutation of grief into art on that album continues to astound. Most beautiful is Dead to the World, but in any case thanks for posting this. I thought of my own dad, who I got to have in my life for 46 years rather than 7, but about whom I feel the same way. Thanks for following Patti’s advice to lift up your voice.
Such a beautiful and profound tribute to your parents! Of course, I was always aware of your mother, but only began to develop a strong interest when I I read the book about her relationship with Robert. Since then, I’ve read everything she has written, and I’m following both of you on Substack. I am always struck with the easy welcoming demeanor your mother presents in her videos. She has such reverence for even the smallest things in life! As do you. You both write beautifully and I enjoy reading your posts. Thank you for sharing with us.
Very moving and beautifully written, Jesse. It just so happens that I have been reading Just Kids and only last night, read from the time your parents met until Robert’s last Polaroid of you and your mom. The little I have read about your father (and heard, natch) speaks very well of him, but of course the person you have become speaks most clearly. It’s a blessing to have been surrounded by so many wonderful people if only for an unfortunately short time in the case of your father, but that goodness surely carries through in the hearts of the people that love him best and have loved you because of it.
Also serendipitously but merely coincidentally, I was born within a couple of days of your parents’ union. I’m terrible with dates but will be unlikely to forget this one now! Ah, I’m rambling … All the best to you, Jesse, and everyone. Keep up the good spirits! 🙏
So beautiful, Jesse! He is seen, and so are you. How blessed are those you help with their grief.
Yes. Exactly. Words would be been kind. No one knows what to do.
Thank you, Jesse. Your posts are always from your heart. And thank you for posting your mother’s most beautiful and perfect song to accompany your words. I’m grateful to you both.
Precious and delicate tribute ! 🙏🕊️✨
Beautiful words
How beautifully you write about love and grief. My eldest sister was killed by a drunk driver when she was 32 and I was 26. I have felt her with me consistently as I got sober, had a child and a life. It’s still hard but as you so perfectly expressed it, she existed and I am who I am because of her. Thank you.
on a day when i was feeling overwhelmingly cynical this helps thanks x
My parents have been married for 63 years. My father is 90 my mother is 86. For the past 7 years my mother has been in assisted living because she has dementia. My father tells me having his wife and my mother have Dementia is worse than death. For me, I mourn not being able to ask my mother questions that can never be answered that I want to know. Or not being able to sit with her over a pot of hot tea and talk like we used to do. So, although my mother is not dead my father's dreams of having his wife laugh with him once more and me having a pot of tea and chatting are gone forever. Our society in America does not in any way prepare any one for death. We no longer have the cultural traditions that helped with death and grief like black arm bands, wearing black or hair jewelry honoring our loved ones. We are left bereft to mourn alone. I actually hate when people ask me how my mother is doing because Dementia is a terminal disease, it's cruel and as it progresses it is simply awful. And yet, the thought of not being able to touch my mother again like I do is wrenching. So, it is complicated grief. Having a Wedding Anniversary when your loved one is not physically here....whew.......my greatest empathy goes out to your mom and you and your brother. I know you all would prefer to be sharing a piece of anniversary cake and coffee together. Perhaps if you would like to you could share the good memories about your dad on Substack. But then again, your memories may be too sacred to share.💫💛
Jesse, Your post really resonates with my grief, thank you for sharing. I too have had tragic losses, my husband and love of my life passed 20 years ago suddenly, he was only 43, young still as your father. We married in 1984 March 1st. And although I’ve carried on ,I think of him every day. Beautiful man inside and out. We both were huge fans of your parents, we created a family as your Mom and Dad did, as many have and this particular post of yours has stirred up a lot of memories, emotions, and a love that lies within a cupboard deep in my heart. There would not be grief if there was not a bounty of love. Once again thank you for sharing this deeply heartfelt post, your Mom and Dad have always been a huge inspiration and part of my life, you are your Mother’s daughter, your Father’s daughter, a genuine beautiful soul.❤️
Happy Anniversary to your parents.
I'm not very knowledgeable about grief care,
but from my perspective, the loss you experienced
seems to have gradually become a large container.
It must have been a difficult task
to integrate the publicly known knowledge of your deceased father
with your internal experiences.
Congratulations again.
I send my gratitude for your writing.
This song was, at my insistence, my wedding song. It was the only song about marriage that I could ever stomach, and Patti’s transmutation of grief into art on that album continues to astound. Most beautiful is Dead to the World, but in any case thanks for posting this. I thought of my own dad, who I got to have in my life for 46 years rather than 7, but about whom I feel the same way. Thanks for following Patti’s advice to lift up your voice.
Such a beautiful and profound tribute to your parents! Of course, I was always aware of your mother, but only began to develop a strong interest when I I read the book about her relationship with Robert. Since then, I’ve read everything she has written, and I’m following both of you on Substack. I am always struck with the easy welcoming demeanor your mother presents in her videos. She has such reverence for even the smallest things in life! As do you. You both write beautifully and I enjoy reading your posts. Thank you for sharing with us.
I’m so grateful for your words and your reflection. Thank you for sharing on a day when I needed this.
All I can say is if your mother loved him, he had to have been a helluva good man.
Jesse, so fortunate to have such beautiful beings for your parents.
Have an insightful new day.
Very moving and beautifully written, Jesse. It just so happens that I have been reading Just Kids and only last night, read from the time your parents met until Robert’s last Polaroid of you and your mom. The little I have read about your father (and heard, natch) speaks very well of him, but of course the person you have become speaks most clearly. It’s a blessing to have been surrounded by so many wonderful people if only for an unfortunately short time in the case of your father, but that goodness surely carries through in the hearts of the people that love him best and have loved you because of it.
Also serendipitously but merely coincidentally, I was born within a couple of days of your parents’ union. I’m terrible with dates but will be unlikely to forget this one now! Ah, I’m rambling … All the best to you, Jesse, and everyone. Keep up the good spirits! 🙏