What a lovely post. I think many of us probably have those things to go through (being very critical about one's achievements....) and it can be really hard to lose out of view the things that we have, what we love, what we have achieved. I have struggled with this for a really long time as my work path isn't straightforward and I started later than others in my field of work. Feel a lot better and relaxed about it now! I'm not even sure how that happened - I think just experience, life, things happening that are more important - over the years it changes your perspective.
I think I might try out the 4 categories sorting of things to keep and not to keep. Good idea!
Ps: I think the ritual you used to have about writing a letter before turning a year older and one just after, that is a great ritual! Might try that next January :-) (that's going to be 40!)
Happy early birthday. I applaud your journey to examine your life. I retired 11 years ago to do just that. I have lists I made and journals I wrote for decades starting when I was 18 about things I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime….degrees I wanted to earn, countries i wanted to visit, books I wanted to write… life took me off my path for a few years, but periodically I would review those plans and add new things, most often those things I then wanted for my children. But I knew all during the journey that I was doing the important things that would sustain me when I could no longer physically do them. It’s lovely to have those memories I had first listed as a young student. Occasionally I still add new trips and I’d like to take: to go to Bhutan or to walk the Camino de Santiago, but, realistically, I know there some dreams that I have to experience from where I am now, through books, videos, on-line tours, those things I found have me joy during the pandemic
Thank you for this post!! Good luck in the immediate efforts of organizing/ moving - sounds like you’ve got a good plan. Ive been trying to sort through - edit, repurpose notebooks and such as I am in a house I moved into when I was 6 . My list will be “When I am 64!!”- I better practice on my clarinet which I still have !!
I think I am more in the category of “grateful to be “ rather than “I’m only” ! I love the positivity in your posts Jesse ! You truly are an inspiration! The past few months have brought challenging health issues , anxiety and disappointment but reading your words is encouraging and more than welcome. I hope level 37 treats you well Jesse ! Sending love and gratitude to you as always. I have my pencil poised to start my list ! 🌻❤️ 🖊️
I am adding to my earlier comment simply because I have had time to process everything and write my lists about my next level:) Chronologically I am older than I feel or want to be but I refuse to let that affect the goals and aspirations I have. I have lived this life in two genders and, in terms of my second life that would make me 12! Now I am not going to take it to that level BUT I will accept that in my present incarnation I feel like 40-something...and that is the mindset I will cultivate as my birthday approaches!
I know how you feel going through old belongings. I, too, am ridding myself of things that no longer serve me. Must go to the attic. Can’t imagine what I’ve forgotten I put there. Good luck with your cleansing.
I’ve always had the thought that I could channel any age I’ve been.
I soothe my inner 5. I radiate my 38.
I’m also spring cleaning and spring finding…
things I’ve misplaced. funny how my world works. oddities to add those zesty lessons in life in my life
Birds I n song
morning rise
another day
another shine
I filled many notebooks of rhymes and riddles, poems and ideas and lists of wishes and plans. It was like coins for a piggy bank. I added pages of moment to moment thoughts.
I wish I had saved my notebooks, had a way to scan them to see how my writing has changed the size, the shape of my words where I placed them on the page and the doodles of a messes made.
most of my notebooks I did not begin on the first page and I still don’t. I wonder why that is.
the things we keep
the things that stay
what do they speak
what do they say
01
I wish to play guitar and sing at the same time. I need to get some inspiration I need to tune into songs from the Trail.
My son is turning 37 and he was spring cleaning too. He found a notebook I had written for him. A sort of diary about his milestones and facts about his habits, his relationship with his sister and Dad, and my feelings about being a Mom. He used Artificial Intelligence and somehow was able to turn it into an audio book. It is a cool way to save it.
Wow Jesse, perfect timing as usual. It’s spring cleaning, gathering my thoughts along side others. Enjoyed this. Great idea. Love you enjoyed Michigan air, beauty. I live in an awe inspiring place and realize there are so many others. Our planet is awesome and we need to continue to protect and nurture , especially the Park! Thank you Jesse. You are an inspiration, just a 37.
So very resonant ~ Thank you for sharing your wisdom and deep heartfelt reflections.. and optimism.. which I agree with.... as really, all is perfect as it is.. and each of us souls are living our trajectory as we should be.. learning what we need to learn, growing how we need to grow, and loving how we need to love. There is no right and wrong, ultimately. And as Rumi says, "you have to keep breaking your heart until it opens." Not sure if that resonates, but thank you as always.
Thank you for this beautiful post. As you think about ways of preserving/remembering this history, you might also scan the pages in addition to transcription. I sometimes find the movement of the pen on the page, the doodles, and other markings tell a rich story that may not be captured with transcription alone.
At 58, it makes me smile to write, "You're only 58!" But I am grateful for so many things. For my daughter who will begin an MFA in art in the fall at Rutgers, for my wife who grounds me; for my gardens, and for my job teaching such wonderful students, for being in relatively good health, and for my two old cats, Fernando and Finn. And I'm grateful to have a few moments this morning to sit with my coffee and reflect on this post.
Good luck with this new chapter in your live, Jesse, and happy early birthday!
This was a lovely post to read -- sweet and poignant to look back at your life through your lists and your things; to weed through your stuff to gather what you want to bring with you, what matters and gift/sell/donate what you want to let go of to make more room for what is coming! I was moved by this, "But then I take a moment and realize all of the other things I’ve accomplished, the unexpected things, and most important of them all, is the inner self work. The healing, the studying, the learning, the understanding. The depth of knowing, the processing, the painful and hard stuff that makes every day and experience more full and meaningful than it ever could have been before." You've accomplished much and you've got so many years to come to accomplish more of your dreams, longings, soulful desires. Lately, I was moved by listening to a song by the French artist, Zaho de Sagazan, "Ne te regarde pas. Lache toi." I translate it as Don't look at yourself, let yourself go. I've been letting myself go in a radically unmuted way with my writing. I hope you will stop by sometime to read things there. I'd love to have more of a bond with you through our writing. You're a beauty, Jesse. Bowing to you in Namaste. https://beingahuman.substack.com/ Life, Death, and Everything in Between
This feels super relevant. I’m 40 going on 41, and have spent the past few months back in the same house where I was a teenager. The time slips and resonances, it’s like there are little pockets of the ghost my younger self stashed in the walls and nooks and crannies, reminding me of how impatient I was to leave this place, what I was chasing after/ destined to do creatively, or at least imagined I was. I don’t know if it would be useful for anyone else, but it’s had me delving into all of this media and art (music, especially magazines because I used to devour them as a kid) - realizing how grafted in to my neural net it all is. It has this invigorating effect, kind of what you are articulating here.
There’s something exhilarating about not having “achieved” things on the received timelines. Where at first you panic and think it’s going to restrict your potential, soon that falls away and you can feel how freeing it is.
Best wishes for a contemplative and empowering span on through to your birthday, on the day and beyond !
Oh my. How timely is this! I have been experiencing some really big ‘come to Jesus’ moments around my endless lists from over the years - and you have put so beautifully into words allllll of my feelings about them. How transforming to frame years as ‘levels’. Thank you so much for this open hearted sharing, you’ve shifted my perspective and there is no greater gift than that 🤍
What a lovely post. I think many of us probably have those things to go through (being very critical about one's achievements....) and it can be really hard to lose out of view the things that we have, what we love, what we have achieved. I have struggled with this for a really long time as my work path isn't straightforward and I started later than others in my field of work. Feel a lot better and relaxed about it now! I'm not even sure how that happened - I think just experience, life, things happening that are more important - over the years it changes your perspective.
I think I might try out the 4 categories sorting of things to keep and not to keep. Good idea!
Ps: I think the ritual you used to have about writing a letter before turning a year older and one just after, that is a great ritual! Might try that next January :-) (that's going to be 40!)
Happy early birthday. I applaud your journey to examine your life. I retired 11 years ago to do just that. I have lists I made and journals I wrote for decades starting when I was 18 about things I wanted to accomplish in my lifetime….degrees I wanted to earn, countries i wanted to visit, books I wanted to write… life took me off my path for a few years, but periodically I would review those plans and add new things, most often those things I then wanted for my children. But I knew all during the journey that I was doing the important things that would sustain me when I could no longer physically do them. It’s lovely to have those memories I had first listed as a young student. Occasionally I still add new trips and I’d like to take: to go to Bhutan or to walk the Camino de Santiago, but, realistically, I know there some dreams that I have to experience from where I am now, through books, videos, on-line tours, those things I found have me joy during the pandemic
Thank you for this post!! Good luck in the immediate efforts of organizing/ moving - sounds like you’ve got a good plan. Ive been trying to sort through - edit, repurpose notebooks and such as I am in a house I moved into when I was 6 . My list will be “When I am 64!!”- I better practice on my clarinet which I still have !!
I think I am more in the category of “grateful to be “ rather than “I’m only” ! I love the positivity in your posts Jesse ! You truly are an inspiration! The past few months have brought challenging health issues , anxiety and disappointment but reading your words is encouraging and more than welcome. I hope level 37 treats you well Jesse ! Sending love and gratitude to you as always. I have my pencil poised to start my list ! 🌻❤️ 🖊️
I am adding to my earlier comment simply because I have had time to process everything and write my lists about my next level:) Chronologically I am older than I feel or want to be but I refuse to let that affect the goals and aspirations I have. I have lived this life in two genders and, in terms of my second life that would make me 12! Now I am not going to take it to that level BUT I will accept that in my present incarnation I feel like 40-something...and that is the mindset I will cultivate as my birthday approaches!
I know how you feel going through old belongings. I, too, am ridding myself of things that no longer serve me. Must go to the attic. Can’t imagine what I’ve forgotten I put there. Good luck with your cleansing.
Hello Jesse 🌵
I made it to level 54!
My life like a game of shoots and ladders.
Yesterday I slid down to level 11.
I’ve always had the thought that I could channel any age I’ve been.
I soothe my inner 5. I radiate my 38.
I’m also spring cleaning and spring finding…
things I’ve misplaced. funny how my world works. oddities to add those zesty lessons in life in my life
Birds I n song
morning rise
another day
another shine
I filled many notebooks of rhymes and riddles, poems and ideas and lists of wishes and plans. It was like coins for a piggy bank. I added pages of moment to moment thoughts.
I wish I had saved my notebooks, had a way to scan them to see how my writing has changed the size, the shape of my words where I placed them on the page and the doodles of a messes made.
most of my notebooks I did not begin on the first page and I still don’t. I wonder why that is.
the things we keep
the things that stay
what do they speak
what do they say
01
I wish to play guitar and sing at the same time. I need to get some inspiration I need to tune into songs from the Trail.
Hello Jackson!
I feel inspired to play guitar
to Strum, Strum, Strum,
and La La La
Wishing you a harmonious day 🕊️
My son is turning 37 and he was spring cleaning too. He found a notebook I had written for him. A sort of diary about his milestones and facts about his habits, his relationship with his sister and Dad, and my feelings about being a Mom. He used Artificial Intelligence and somehow was able to turn it into an audio book. It is a cool way to save it.
Wow Jesse, perfect timing as usual. It’s spring cleaning, gathering my thoughts along side others. Enjoyed this. Great idea. Love you enjoyed Michigan air, beauty. I live in an awe inspiring place and realize there are so many others. Our planet is awesome and we need to continue to protect and nurture , especially the Park! Thank you Jesse. You are an inspiration, just a 37.
Level 37 will be amazing! And thank you for this glimpse into your joyful approach to goal setting!
So very resonant ~ Thank you for sharing your wisdom and deep heartfelt reflections.. and optimism.. which I agree with.... as really, all is perfect as it is.. and each of us souls are living our trajectory as we should be.. learning what we need to learn, growing how we need to grow, and loving how we need to love. There is no right and wrong, ultimately. And as Rumi says, "you have to keep breaking your heart until it opens." Not sure if that resonates, but thank you as always.
Thank you for this beautiful post. As you think about ways of preserving/remembering this history, you might also scan the pages in addition to transcription. I sometimes find the movement of the pen on the page, the doodles, and other markings tell a rich story that may not be captured with transcription alone.
At 58, it makes me smile to write, "You're only 58!" But I am grateful for so many things. For my daughter who will begin an MFA in art in the fall at Rutgers, for my wife who grounds me; for my gardens, and for my job teaching such wonderful students, for being in relatively good health, and for my two old cats, Fernando and Finn. And I'm grateful to have a few moments this morning to sit with my coffee and reflect on this post.
Good luck with this new chapter in your live, Jesse, and happy early birthday!
From Clara in Paris:
Wonderful to read your post! Wonderful to know ofof your birthday & your upcoming adventures:
Congradulations on your birthday & Congratulations
on finding a workspace in NYC.That is in itself a huge accomplishment! Brava!
This was a lovely post to read -- sweet and poignant to look back at your life through your lists and your things; to weed through your stuff to gather what you want to bring with you, what matters and gift/sell/donate what you want to let go of to make more room for what is coming! I was moved by this, "But then I take a moment and realize all of the other things I’ve accomplished, the unexpected things, and most important of them all, is the inner self work. The healing, the studying, the learning, the understanding. The depth of knowing, the processing, the painful and hard stuff that makes every day and experience more full and meaningful than it ever could have been before." You've accomplished much and you've got so many years to come to accomplish more of your dreams, longings, soulful desires. Lately, I was moved by listening to a song by the French artist, Zaho de Sagazan, "Ne te regarde pas. Lache toi." I translate it as Don't look at yourself, let yourself go. I've been letting myself go in a radically unmuted way with my writing. I hope you will stop by sometime to read things there. I'd love to have more of a bond with you through our writing. You're a beauty, Jesse. Bowing to you in Namaste. https://beingahuman.substack.com/ Life, Death, and Everything in Between
This feels super relevant. I’m 40 going on 41, and have spent the past few months back in the same house where I was a teenager. The time slips and resonances, it’s like there are little pockets of the ghost my younger self stashed in the walls and nooks and crannies, reminding me of how impatient I was to leave this place, what I was chasing after/ destined to do creatively, or at least imagined I was. I don’t know if it would be useful for anyone else, but it’s had me delving into all of this media and art (music, especially magazines because I used to devour them as a kid) - realizing how grafted in to my neural net it all is. It has this invigorating effect, kind of what you are articulating here.
There’s something exhilarating about not having “achieved” things on the received timelines. Where at first you panic and think it’s going to restrict your potential, soon that falls away and you can feel how freeing it is.
Best wishes for a contemplative and empowering span on through to your birthday, on the day and beyond !
Oh my. How timely is this! I have been experiencing some really big ‘come to Jesus’ moments around my endless lists from over the years - and you have put so beautifully into words allllll of my feelings about them. How transforming to frame years as ‘levels’. Thank you so much for this open hearted sharing, you’ve shifted my perspective and there is no greater gift than that 🤍