Unexpected Extra Time!

Trusting in the Process <3

A happy little clock hanging by my front door

Good morning, everyone! I hope you’re having a nice weekend so far. It was a packed week, an emotional week, an intense week - a good week, though. Yesterday I did all my annual doctors appointments, which can be draining and uncomfortable, so I’m very glad that goal was accomplished. I went to sleep early last night, aiming to wake up restored, refreshed, and energized today. This goal was accomplished, too, so I’m also happy for that.

This weekend I was supposed to take part in intensive training, 10am-7pm, Saturday and Sunday. I’ve been very much looking forward to it. Last night before bed, I packed my backpack, laid out my clothes, arranged my electrolytes and snacks. This morning I mentally and physically prepared myself, clearing my mind of any expectations. Then at around 8am, I received a phone call that someone was sick and the training needed to be rescheduled for a later time. Here were my instant mental reactions to this news:

1. I hope the person is okay and gets/feels better ASAP.

2. I’m sad this is happening.

3. I wonder why this is happening! It seems the training wasn’t supposed to happen today/this weekend. I trust the process and am along for the ride.

I hung up the phone and realized I now suddenly had a full weekend to do something else, anything else. I didn’t want to even tiptoe nearby the feeling of disappointment in the training being canceled, because I know this will all work out as its meant to, so I let that feeling have its moment and quickly float away. Left in its place then was this gift of time, a lot of time, wrapped in a bow, unexpected and exciting.

So instead of getting cleaned up, dressed, and making my way to the subway, I stayed in pajamas, got comfy with a hot beverage, and opened my computer to write a Substack post to you all. <3

Because this weekend feels it was gifted to me from thin air, I’m going to take it seriously and value this extra time that would have otherwise been spent in deep and focused study. By Sunday night, I might have gone to sleep with a feeling of great accomplishment, ready for the next steps forward, eager with fresh inspiration and new ideas. Even though my plans were cancelled, I can still close my Sunday tomorrow evening with those same feelings - it’s just up to me now!

In fact, I think I will adopt the same schedule I was supposed to have.

Jesse’s schedule for the weekend:

10am-12pm work and study

12:30-1:30 break for lunch

1:30 - 7pm work and study

This is the schedule I prepared myself for all week, so why not follow it through?

I often think about Bronson Alcott’s schedule for the ‘little women’ of Orchard House - Louisa, Abigail, Anna, Elizabeth. The first time I ever visited the house in Concord, still operating today as a museum and place of education, this was my favorite thing I saw. It’s stayed with me all these years, and I can still remember it clear as day on the wall.

While I don’t feel it necessary to keep a fully regimented daily schedule, it tends to happen naturally at times. To a certain extent, I do like structure very much, and I do like knowing what my vision is for the day, week, month, year ahead. I keep rigorous lists, schedules, and calendars for myself, equipped with short and long term goals, breaking things down from massive/complex goals, into smaller tasks, daily checklists, and skills to be worked on. Every night before bed, I check to see what I accomplished, and I make myself a list to follow for the following day. Everyone is different, but this system helps me very much to stay on an intentional path, and also helps to keep track of accomplishments that may have been otherwise overlooked or forgotten.

I remember when I first saw the Orchard House daily schedule, I felt ignited, lit up from the inside. I think because I have a natural tendency to be a bit like a fluttering moth, moving from one thing to the next, I really need doses of that grounding balance of structure to keep me focused and happy. I implement it on my own through planning and check-ins, and I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without this self imposed guidance. I am highly emotional and sensitive, which is great for expression, though I need the grounding force of Earth and organization to correspond harmoniously with my otherwise Watery nature.

I will share as I have very often, that balance is the key. Having our balances of input/output, nature/culture, preparation/action, movement/rest, etc. is so very important. Life and our tendencies are always capable of tipping too far in any one area, so it’s always good for us to check in with ourselves, as often as we’re able to.

Without organization and plans, we can become overwhelmed or lost. And while it is great to outline and prepare, it is another thing altogether to become equally lost in the planning phase, cycling through an endless peril of analysis paralysis, infinitely getting ready, thinking we’re still not quite ready - not quite good enough. For me, that is when I need to pause and remember the words of one of my mentors, ‘your pencil is sharp enough, use it!’

You can’t start from everywhere, you have to start from somewhere. So pick something today, and let’s see where it takes us!

What will you do today? If you were gifted 2 days of extra hours, what would you use them for?

One thing I will do today is hang some art on the bare white walls of my workspace. My friend Pascal made me a beautiful ink painting for my birthday last year and I want to get that framed. I also want to frame a few photographs and prints made by family and friends. I have a vision of a large calming painting too - something soft, light green and magical, abstract and comforting. In the meantime, I’ll take over some pieces from home that I think will work nicely in the space.

Other than that, I will continue to read, study, and practice piano. I also am going to clean because I made a bit of a mess this week. Actually, for many weeks. As I write that, I realize this is something I should actually prioritize more than everything else. My workspace is wonderful - it’s clean, organized, calming, and lovely. My apartment on the other hand….is an incredible mess, left at the very bottom of the priority list after nearly everything else. I haven’t changed the lightbulbs, there is so much laundry to do, trash to take out, bags of clothes to donate and sell. There are obstacles everywhere to step over and around. The bathroom and kitchen need desperately to be cleaned, the sheets need to be changed. I want to sweep, mop, and alleviate the clutter.

Okay, change of plans!! This weekend is all about cleaning!!!!

This feels good, it feels right. By the time I go to bed on Sunday, I will have a clean and fresh apartment, a place to actually live and enjoy. Wow! What a thought. I’m excited.

This morning I was actually looking at photos of my apartment, more than a year ago, when I had it arranged just the way I wanted it. I remembered how much easier of a flow my daily life had when everything was clean, clear, simple, and lovely. It was definitely a calming memory.

I am going to take this weekend seriously as an unexpected gift of time and launch myself fully into this focused mission. Thank you all for holding me accountable and being my support system!

What do you need support with? What mission do you have for the weekend? Let’s help each other do what needs to be done. Maybe you haven’t allowed yourself some much needed time for rest, maybe there is a difficult conversation that needs to be had, a project waiting for your attention, someone who needs your support or company. An idea that’s been percolating and it’s time to put down on paper, piles of laundry, an errand or task, something big and complex, something simple and quick, it can be anything!! It’s not the size of the goal/mission, it’s the way it feels before and after it’s been completed. There are no comparisons with our goals and tasks at hand - everyone’s most important goal of the day is 100% important.

Thank you for joining me on this stream of consciousness processing of what started as an unexpected cancellation, and became a gift of unexpected extra time. <3

Please share any thoughts, ideas, questions, or reflections in the comments. As always I am so happy and excited to read them always.

Sending lots of good thoughts to you all.

Have a wonderful weekend. ✨✨✨ <3