Time for a Fresh Start!

Happy New Year in July :)

Hello, everyone!!

Happy Friday. <3 How was your day yesterday? The full moon was here at its peak fullest at 4:37pm. Did you see it?? How do you feel? Make sure to share your full moon pics in our Chat thread if you haven’t already. :)

I have missed you all very much. As you know from my previous post, I was audited by NY state on May 16. I worked on the audit nearly every day since then, and finally sent in all of my information and evidence on the night of July 9!! Hooray - a huge weight lifted. Now we wait and see, hoping for the best!! :)

Taxes, finances, paperwork, - all these things can be so nerve-wracking, and I think the toughest part of it all was simply the time it took away from the nourishing and creative areas of my life - writing, music, piano, art, reading. I found it difficult on particularly draining days to access the creative forces within me, lacking of energy and low in spirit. Even on my birthday, June 27, I worked on the audit until about 3pm, tired and cranky, though the celebratory energy was a blessing and loving force.

On July 9, I was having a particular low day. There were many tears, I was physically, mentally, emotionally, existentially depleted. Hard on myself, letting shame spiral in. I missed writing, I missed my Substack community and platform. I missed playing piano, the quiet flow and release of music. Everything seemed on pause, and in those pause moments, everything can seem gone forever. It never is though - and the very fact that it hurts so much to lose it for a moment means that it’s never left. While in that lowest feeling, I pushed myself to play piano, and the notes that came from my hands were sad ones, the music steeped in anxiety. It was uncomfortable, though necessary. I would play for a few minutes, then walk away, revisiting a few hours later. Each time I returned to the piano, I felt I was returning closer to myself, coming back home. I decided to choose two cover songs to play, which often is a nice practice, less heavy or informational than listening to my own songs, a space where extra self judgement or frustration can arise, or simply your own lyrics can feel too close, too much to bare. The songs I chose to play were Daydream Believer, written by John Stewart (there is a nice interview below of him talking about writing the song) and famously performed, of course, by The Monkees, and Swamp of Love by my friend King Tuff. I played these two songs again and again, and even though they are sad sort of songs, they met me exactly where I was at and eventually, they made me feel happy.

:)

By the end of the night, after a whirlwind of emotions, support from listening ears, and a courageous push through, I finally submitted my tax audit, releasing it all and putting my faith into the universe. Whatever happens next is out of my hands. I did my best, and that’s the best I could do.

NOW, it’s time for a fresh start.

Do you need a fresh start, too? Would you like to join me? <3

We’ve missed a few celebrations together - June 26 we opened our exhibit at Pen and Brush, which I will share a lot more about soon, and June 27th was my birthday and I turned 38. July 1, which I completely missed myself, was the 1 year anniversary of getting the keys to my workspace. My first time having my own office, my own space, my own designated world to work. What else have we missed??

I would love if in the comments you can tell me what I’ve missed from you - what you’ve been up to, what you’ve been excited about, creating, feeling, thinking about. And if you have any images to share you can also do so in the Chat thread! I love to see them all and receive your updates. :)

I miss you all and have remained endlessly grateful for your support and kindness. It’s time for a fresh start, to regroup, to realign, and to reconnect. I have felt disconnected and far away from my purpose, but it is ALWAYS a good time to reconnect with that idea.

There is a light blue hardcover notebook on my desk that I bought last year at a stationery store in New Jersey. It says on the cover in gold capital letters: THE FIVE MINUTE JOURNAL.

Each page has the same format, asking a prompt of 5 questions: 3 to start the day and 2 to close the day. Let’s open to a fresh page and do the opening 3 questions now together, and we can all do the closing ones this evening before we go to bed.

Ooh! Usually each day has a quote but this page has a ‘Weekly Challenge!’ I’ve never seen that before. It says:

WEEKLY CHALLENGE: Movement is key to your well-being. Today, take the stairs instead of an elevator, find any way to walk more.

Okay! We can do that, too. <3

Now here are the questions/prompts.

---

Daytime/Start of the Day:

I am grateful for….

1.

2.

3.

What would make today great?

1.

2.

3.

Daily Affirmation:

Evening/Close of the Day:

Highlights of the Day

1.

2.

3.

What did I learn today?

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For me, more than anything I am grateful for my health and wellness, for community and platforms that believe in you and stay by your side, for help from others. Sometimes when we are feeling super low, afraid, disconnected, lacking in faith or hope, another person can not only pull us out of those dark places, but can reflect back to us our own strength, magic, and beauty - reminding us who we truly are, and that that person has not only never left, but they are evolving and growing into a new place, one that has not been experienced before. I always come back to the same thought - of the caterpillar in the pupa - that must be extremely traumatic and painful, and also scary because it seems to be happening to them with no real assurance of the future, succumbing to it all with courage, entering fully into the dark unknown. And they emerge as a butterfly, having to learn and perfect the new skill of flying. How incredible and symbolic is that.

We can do anything, we do need to stick together though, to find our people and keep them close. To nourish those relationships and let them know how much they mean to us. To look ourselves in the mirror and remind ourselves how powerful, magic, awesome, and beautiful we really are. Always. In the best times and in the worst.

Thank you all so much for everything!! Not out of the woods yet, but one step closer every day. <3

Have a wonderful one today and look forward to hearing from you soon.

xoxoxo

Jesse

ALSO: I want to start collecting addresses for your next paid subscriber gift!! So if you have not already from last year’s gift, please add your mailing address to the survey found in this post so I can have it ready to mail your gift!! (If you input your address last year and received mail from me, I have your address still. If you are located in Canada, I still have your packages because of the mail embargo that was happening! I will get them to you ASAP) Also, Paid Subscribers and Navigator’s Collective, please stay tuned for a special email coming your way which will include other gifts and invitations. THANK YOU, everyone!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Here are the songs mentioned above in the post. On the next Substack LIVE, maybe I’ll play them for you on piano and we can singalong together. :) Any other requests??