Post Production and Hibernation

Home from the tour in time for winter <3

On the night of December 2, the day we got back from the tour, having just got home from a Christmas concert and very much ready for bed!!

Good morning, everyone <3

I hope you are having a beautiful December so far. Is it cold where you are? Here in NYC there is a gentle feeling of holiday spirit that I find so sweet and charming. The local firehouse has their annual lights covering the facade of the station and I can see it from my bedroom window, glowing softly through thin veil of the curtains. There are old fashioned decorations painted in the windows of storefronts like the local bakery and the coffee shop and chocolate store. You can see glowing lights and Christmas trees and Hanukkah menorahs in the windows of brownstones and apartment buildings. I went to Bryant Park a few times already to walk through my favorite winter village, and I’m excited for the Winter Solstice celebration at Elizabeth Street Garden on December 21, my favorite garden event of the year. This year, we’re doing an Exquisite Solstice Community Poem, collecting recordings of 1-3 lines from each writer that we will string together into a shared piece. If you would like to submit to us, the deadline is December 14, and the link to add your submission is here.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t posted since November 12th (though you may have caught me LIVE here and there), which feels absolutely bizarre, but alas, here we are!

Since I last posted to you from the Fox Theatre in Oakland on November 12 (my goodness that feels like AGES ago), we also performed at the Masonic in San Francisco, two shows at the Chicago Theater, two home shows in NYC at the Beacon, then to Boston, Washington, D.C., and two different shows Philadelphia. Thanksgiving passed by, December arrived, we saw the last super moon of the year, so much has happened. This close of autumn, this ending of 2025 has been a whirlwind for us, as maybe it has been for you, too. What do you think? How has it been? How is it going?

I’ve been overwhelmed at times here and there, managing the many facets of the PS merch (souvenirs!) operation on my own, traveling and navigating, learning challenging life lessons when I least expected to. December is always a time for reflection and I’ve been thinking a lot about how I felt in December 2024. I couldn’t have imagined all that was about to unfold, the enjoyable and the challenging, all of it important, equally beautiful.

At this time last year, I was holed up in my empty workspace, sitting at a plastic folding table, putting together 264 subscriber packages to mail to you all. (You’re going to get your 2025 package don’t worry!!! And please add your mailing address to this survey if you haven’t already - if you added it last year and the address hasn’t changed, I still have it) I was excited to FINALLY move and unpack some boxes in my workspace, I was looking forward to celebrating 1 year on Substack, and I was beginning to develop and embrace a new outlook on life, a new kind of mental vision board and manifestation technique: ‘present, positive, personal.’ It felt fun to think about, but I really had no idea how it was going to prove fruitful in 2025, how much it would actually, tangibly change my life.

In the months of 2025, because of this new perspective, I achieved the goals that I had so badly wanted, because I imagined them as real, before me, completed, and I stepped into them feverishly, unable to ignore their momentum as they pulled me along. It was all happening and I just had to step onboard, accept the reigns, and enjoy the ride.

I started the year off strong in January when I immersed myself fully in textbooks and flew to California with my dear friend Lauren to do our exams and get our American Sailing Association (ASA) certifications. That’s because one of the PPP (positive, personal, present) statements I made again and again starting on New Year’s Eve 2024 was:

“I am a sailor.”

I also decided that while I had been studying and practicing Japanese reiki since March 2023, and studying and practicing therapeutic music/sound (2014) and grief support (2017), I wanted to utilize my workspace to further support these wellness practices. So I reached out to my reiki teacher and offered my space for monthly clinics. I purchased three massage tables, pillows, sheets, all of the required and necessary tools/gear/equipment/supplies to run clinics, and my teacher started hosting them in my space. I was so happy. On February 4th, following a clinic, I told her how much I wanted to learn what everyone else knew, and she asked if I wanted to be trained by her as a master/teacher. I was honored, amazed, excited, floored, and I said yes - of course. I immediately started training with her, saw a schedule of regular practice clients, both in person and from distance, attended classes/courses led by other teachers, and on May 29th, I was initiated as a master/teacher. I continued my studies through July, I became a member of the Reiki Alliance, I launched my website and my practice, and I continued to study, preparing to teach workshops to my own students once I feel ready. I am still learning, there is a long road ahead if I choose to walk it with honor, but I am on it now. That’s because one of the PPP (positive, personal, present) statements I made again and again starting on New Year’s Eve was:

“I am a reiki master.”

When I reflect now on how the rest of the year progressed, I see how much else happened. The endings, the challenges, the closure. There was a LOT of that. I got audited at the end of May and worked on it every day until finally submitting the finished paperwork to the IRS in July. In that same week, I took the necessary steps to dissolving an LLC and officially ended a chapter of my life. I made a decision to move forward on my own and created a new S-Corp in my own name, with me as the sole proprietor. I was proud and I had embarrassing blunders. I did things perfectly and I made mistakes. I had dear Simon build me the dream bookcases, storage shelves, and research/writing desk in my studio - waiting and prepared for the work of my future. He did the same in my apartment after the roof/ceiling debacle, which has been a long and emotional process, still coming to a close as I purge my belongings now and try to simplify my home environment. You should see my apartment now, a mess of piles and bags, to move, to donate, to sell. One of the achievements I’m really most proud of though is probably the most unexpected one - taking on the entirety of the merchandise/souvenirs operation for the Horses 50 Tour. I thought production would mostly come to a close once the tour had ended, but I’m excited to share updates very soon - it continues on! It’s growing and merging into something long lasting, and I feel good about it, excited for prospects, partnerships, and collaborations ahead. And in case you are interested, everything will be available online very soon, too. :)

Hotel lobby in Philadelphia, December 1 evening

There are plenty of other things too, beyond work, beyond professional goals - personal relationships - those with acquaintances, romantic partners, friendships, family members, neighbors. All kinds of human relationships, some of which have been deeply challenging, hurtful, painful, scary, even traumatic. And some which have evolved and transformed in beautiful ways, however chaotic the road was to get there. I have witnessed the softness and the strength. I have found angels, been touched by forever friends. I have seen demons and the darknesses in people. I have seen who is true blue forever, who is there for me even when things get tough or rough patches blind the way for a while. I haven’t always been proud of my actions or decisions, as we are all works in progress, but I have seen the ways I have navigated the storms and their aftermath. I have taken note of lessons I need to learn, the ways I need to grow and heal, and I have also paused to acknowledge the moments I felt proud of myself, if only because I did the best I could at that time. There are things I want to hold near and bring into 2026, things to continue, to develop further. We are all lifelong learners, lifelong healers for ourselves. We can always do better, we can always improve, and that’s a beautiful and exciting idea.

What were some of your best moments of 2025? What lessons did you learn, whether in darkness or in light? What were some of your proudest moments of navigation?

This year, in the last week of December and on New Year’s Eve, I’m going to do exercises for closing out 2025, acknowledging moments of pride and achievement, and also note what I want to bring forward into 2026. I will make new Positive, Personal, Present tense statements about the goals I wish to see come to fruition. Ahhh. I can’t believe we can do more - it’s really so exciting if you think about it. Anything can happen in the months and year ahead. Anything is possible. I look forward to honing in on those ideas and I hope you will join me. If I do a Substack Live or a Zoom event to close out the year, would you like to be there? :)

I will get back to work now, but I wanted to check in with you all. <3 This evening my mom and I will go to The Center for Fiction Annual Awards Benefit, where she will introduce the Lifetime of Excellence in Fiction Award to Haruki Murakami, so that should be nice and inspiring. (Oh, also - on December 4, both my mom and Philip Glass received the Art of Freedom Lifetime Achievement Award from Tibet House US) I need to practice piano today, make some plans and decisions, I need to send more emails, make some phone calls, and I need to pick up a few practical things for my bedroom. I also did seven loads of laundry (a small washing machine) on Sunday and still need to complete that wild venture. Five of those seven loads couldn’t go into the dryer, so in addition to the two actual drying racks I have, every feasible piece of furniture in my apartment became a makeshift laundry line, from keyboard stands to wooden bar stools. So I need to put everything away, reunite the furniture with its intended purpose, and then it will be time to get dressed and ready to leave for the event. What will you do today? Let me know your thoughts, ideas, questions, and memories. As always, I look forward to reading them all.

Have a wonderful day ahead. Lots of love and good thoughts and wishes to you all. <3