My Brother's Birthday

Recognizing siblings and the stories that unify us

Yesterday, August 5, was my brother Jackson’s birthday. Even though it’s his birthday, it always feels like a special day to me, too. It’s because I really love birthdays for a myriad of reasons, and also because in this case, outside of my parents, my brother is the person in the world I’ve known the longest. He was my first friend, and being as we were both little together, he was one of my first real teachers. Having him to play with and relate to, I’m sure I learned how to speak English and engage in the world in a unique way that was unique to us. When he was born, he only had himself and my parents, though when I was born, I had a seasoned veteran waiting there to help guide me through the new experience of human existence. When his birthday rolls around again, it’s the anniversary of when my first friend and teacher got to town, and whether he is near or far, I like to think about his role in my life, and our memories from childhood that I cherish more than any gold or precious jewels in all the world.

Yesterday I was in New Jersey again for a birthday party at a family home. It was so nice to settle with ease into their intra-family dynamics, and to observe a set of three siblings (a brother and two sisters), noticing their shared language, the way they remember the past, and the similar ways in which they conjure up the future. Nuances of similarities that are touching and fun. It’s wild the ways that siblings can be so different and yet have this rooted connection of childhood that is undeniable and seemingly indestructible. When We Were Very Young. It makes me smile, and sometimes it also makes me sad. It’s not a sadness that is based on anything too heavy like regret or wishes, but a nostalgia that is so gut wrenching that on my tenderest days, I feel I miss the magic of my early childhood so much that I can barely breathe.

My brother and me at my Grandma’s house

This photo is from my Grandma’s house, which was also in New Jersey - South Jersey where my mom was raised. My brother and I loved our grandparents’ house and I’ve written about it a few times on previous posts. This photo was taken in the backyard behind the house, and it reminds me now of a memory.

That chain link fence behind us separated my grandparents’ yard from the neighbors’ yard next door. There were trees and bushes, and my Grandpa’s dog, a beloved boxer named Sheba, would run and play back there. One day when my brother and I were spending time outside, we saw a turtle or tortoise on the other side of the fence. I thought at the time that it was wild, but I suppose that maybe it was the neighbor’s pet. I can ask my brother. Either way, we were so excited to see it walking around slowly through the grass, and we decided we wanted to bring it over to our side of the fence. We came up with a strategy, one that required ultimate focus and team work - one of us would simply reach our hands through the open diamonds of the fence and pick up our new friend, while the other reached above to collect it from the other, passing it up and up, and so on, until we reached the top of the fence and could lift him over to our side. I remember every step of this process so clearly, but I don’t remember what happened when we finally had captured him. I don’t remember if we brought him inside to show our grandparents, I don’t remember if we found out he belonged to the neighbors. I don’t remember anything at all that happened after that. That is a reason why having siblings is so great. I can call my brother today, and see if he remembers. He can round out the memory in the spots where my recollection remains blank. It’s a simple story with no real plot or consequence, but it’s special to me because it was just him and me, sharing in our littleness and imagination.

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I’m thankful for the times when my brother has been kind to me, a brand of kindness that is without plan or explanation, when actions spoke instead of words. I’m thankful for the memories that I hold in my heart as sacred and protected, the ones that transport me directly to the purest days of early childhood. I’m thankful for funny jokes we still refer to, quotes from movies and shows, and the ones that really don’t make any sense. I’m thankful for lofty plans and imaginings, for holding out for big dreams, I’m grateful for our shared joy and our shared pain. I’m grateful for silent hours on the porch and a laugh that seems to go on unbroken forever. The one you can hear from the other room and makes you smile when you think about it later. I’m thankful for each note of laughter and for each drop of tears, I’m thankful for it all.

Everyone’s relationships and connections with the concept of siblings is completely different. Everyone has a unique, layered, and deeply nuanced story around siblings. We can never venture to assume we understand someone else’s siblings story, someone else’s association with the very idea. For some, their sibling(s) is their dearest and closest friends, for some their sibling relationships are tolerable and polite, for some they are fractured and difficult, for others they are non-existent. For some their siblings are estranged. For some their siblings have died. Some people have never had siblings, some grew up as an only child. And there are endless combinations and amalgamations of all of these factors. Unique and ever evolving and shifting stories that blend personal history with memories and life changes. We can only truly know our own stories, and we can learn about those of others by listening, by putting ourselves in the shoes or our peers, by reading stories and writing our own. By imagining, by being curious compassionate.

What is your sibling story? Would you like to share? Please feel free to share anything that comes to your mind, that this reminds you of. You can share beautiful and sweet memories, current thoughts. You can share painful hardships or questions. Memories from childhood, longings never had. Music, movies, games and books that you share with your siblings. Sibling relationships real or imagined that you admire and look towards or look away from. Anything at all that comes to mind, I would love to read it all. This is a safe and warmhearted community where you can always feel open and free to write anything you like. Thank you so much ahead of time for being trusting here with me and the rest of us. As you know, I honor and cherish our shared space here more than words can ever express, though I continue to try to each and every week, if even to let you know. :)

I found some quotes to use also for inspiration. If you want, you can find one or more of these below to write or journal from. If any of them resonate or stand out to you for any reason, please feel free to share more. And please feel free to share your own. Thank you so very much. :)

Remember to listen to Jackson’s Radio Show, Songs From the Trail, every Saturday at 7pm ET on WVBI.net or stream archived episodes anytime here or on Spotify. :))

Songs From the Trail Instagram

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Quotes about Siblings

"No sibling is perfect, we argue, we fight. We even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end, we are family, and our love for each other will always be there." 

"Being a sibling means you are part of something wonderful.”

"Happiness is seeing your sibling smile." 

"The greatest gift our parents ever gave us was each other." 

"As siblings, our paths may change as life goes along, but the bond between us will remain forever."  

"Having siblings is like making music, some high notes, some low notes, but it is always a beautiful song." 

"Siblings are like branches of a tree. We grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one."  

"There is no one in the world, other than your siblings, who knows what it’s like to have been raised the way you were."  

“I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at.” – Maya Angelou

“Siblings seem to bring out the best and the worst in one another.” — Suzanne Degges-White

“Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring — quite often the hard way.” — Pamela Dugdale

“I find the sibling connection endlessly fascinating, as I do all family dynamics. I like how siblings seem to create their own parentless mini-civilization within a family, one that has its own laws, myths, language, humor, its own loyalties and treacheries.” — Jandy Nelson

“In some ways, siblings, and especially sisters, are more influential in your childhood than your parents.” — Deborah Tannen

“In many sibling relationships, the rate of conflict can be high, but the fun times in the backyard and the basement more than balance it out.” — Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

“The power of a sibling who knows the family you grew up in, who carries half your genes — there’s nothing quite like that.” — Jeffrey Kluger

“Help your brother’s boat across, and your own will reach the shore.” 

“Siblings: your only enemy you can’t live without.”

“The Rule of Sibs: If your sibling gets something you want, you (1) try to take it; (2) break it; or (3) say it’s no good.” – Patricia Fleming

“Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories to the inevitable dusk.” – Susan Scarf Merrell

“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.” – Lemony Snicket

“A sibling is a lens through which you see your childhood.” – Ann Hood

“I may fight with my siblings. But once you lay a finger on them, you’ll be facing me.” – Abby Slater

”Sibling relationships are complicated. All family relationships are. Look at Hamlet.” – Maurice Saatchi

“A sibling represents a person’s past, present, and future.” – John Corey Whaley

“They say that no matter how old you become, when you are with your siblings, you revert back to childhood.” – Karen White

“As siblings we were inextricably bound, even though our connections were loose and frayed. And each time we met, we discovered to our surprise and dismay how quickly the intensity of childhood feelings reappeared– No matter how old we got or how oft.” – Jane Mersky Leder

“But how can I learn to live in a world that doesn’t include my brother? All my life, I’ve always been my brother’s sister; it’s part of my identity, part of who I am. My brother is part of my past; we share a common history. And we had plans for the future.” – T.J. Wray

“Siblings-the definition that comprises love, strife, competition and forever friends.” – Byron Pulsifer

“To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were, we know each other’s hearts, we share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys.” – Clara Ortega

“Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply.” – Jane Austen

“Nothing can replace your sibling, but fond memories can cut through the darkness like rays of sunshine. May the warmth of those rays warm your soul.”

Thank you everyone for reading. As always, I look so much forward to reading your responses and sharing more together. Wishing you all a wonderful day. <3